Why Women Hate Other Women: The Search for True Sisterhood

How many times have we heard the saying, “I have more male friends than female friends.”  Or, “I really don’t deal with other women like that.”  “What does she have on?”  “She looked me up and down.”  The truth is, many women don’t trust other women.  We are envious, jealous, and downright mean to each other. But why?  God has uniquely made all of us in His image.  He says that all of us are fearfully and wonderfully made.  So, why the drama? 

It seems as though this behavior starts at an early age.  We have one group of girls who have a sacred club that other girls aren’t invited to.  We choose to bully, make fun of, or isolate other girls.  Why?  It has been my experience for no reason at all.  Women tend to shun other women just because they feel the woman is prettier, smarter, and better than them in some way.  I’ve also seen the flip side of that, where females are isolated because we feel the woman is not “good enough” to hang out in our crowd. 

It starts at an early age and appears to continue through adulthood.  I see the same behavior in preschoolers and women in their 60’s or 70’s.  But why?  Where does this stem from?  Are we born with it?  Or, are we taught this behavior?  I can’t say what my mother does when I’m not around, but I’ve never seen her belittle other women.  My mother has always treated everyone the same way.  If it’s the brain surgeon or the town’s alcoholic, they will get the same level of respect from my mother.  So, I would venture to say, I didn’t learn those habits.  I love my sisters.  I believe God created a wonderful being when He created women.  We are all very different and that’s a good thing.  We come in all shapes and sizes…we are from different ethnicities…we have different backgrounds and different interests…our sense of fashion varies from woman to woman…we behave differently…we speak differently, however, I believe we are all beautiful designs of womanhood.  Whether I’m married or single…a stay at home mom or a corporate executive…a ballerina or a police officer.  If I like sports or baking a pie…if I prefer sweat pants or stilettos…whether I like cucumber sandwiches or Buffalo wings…we are all women.  We all deserve to be celebrated. 

However, so many times we criticize each other.  We demean each other.  We gossip about each other.  We are mean to each other.  We criticize each other about hair, makeup, clothing, and shoes.  We believe we are in competition with each other for the attention of a male or the promotion at the job.  We believe that other women are trying to steal our man or trying to out shine us.  It could be our peers or women older and younger than us.  It doesn’t matter; we are hard on each other.  I’ve even seen it in rape cases.  I’ve seen fellow prosecutors who are reluctant to have women on their jury because the truth is…we are much harder on other women.  I’m even reminded of the woman who was caught in adultery in the Bible.  The people wanted to stone her, but they didn’t drag the man to the public square.   

What happened to the bond of sisterhood?  Or, have we always been this way?  And again, why?  I think we all have a desire to have true friendships with other women.  We desire to learn and grow from one another.  We desire to bear our burdens without worrying about you gossiping about us.  We want to partner with you at work or in church and not worry about being in a competition.  We would like to hang out with you and your family, without you thinking we’re trying to steal your man.  We would like to learn from you, without you demeaning or controlling us.  We desire love and not hate.